Dealing with your true loves hate and loathing for you/ draft 2

Dealing with your true loves hate and loathing for you/draft 2



fiction
edward w Pritchard

Dealing with your true loves hate and loathing for you requires new skills, new philosophies, and  adroit sensibilities.  

Start with the sophisticated French philosophers, they were experienced in such matters. One can only imagine the peculiarities those guys rolled about in when it came to relations of the heart. La Rouchefoucauld says " if a heart can no longer love it must hate, passionately". I am like you no novice to amour, but I have only loved once, have only one beloved.

Faced with the hatred and loathing for myself from my beloved I become again fledgling in love's sport. I found myself guilty of crimes against my beloved and having suffered greatly for seven years and being properly remorseful, now with time moved forward, have forgiven myself. Seeking no material gain, or forgiveness from another at this time, now I only wish to understand the path of love turned to hate and loathing. 

Initially love commenced as sexual infatuation, subconscious urges to create life. In time excess passion ruled my thoughts toward her. Daily my furor for her grew as I neglected my duties, lost my good name, and became dependent on her for praise and sustenance.  Naturally she began to resent this.

Sensing dissatisfaction of myself from my Love every disagreement becomes crisis, every difference of opinion becomes philosophical schism. From this tempest my mind became consumed with restlessness and worry. The end result of the turmoil was a demolition of the peace and calm of our household.  

Eventually the top blows off the house and a dissolution of affection occurs.

Years pass.  Through study and reflection the mind becomes purged of worry and the heart becomes weak but serene. Relative happiness is achieved.

Mortal life is short and filled with sadness. To send hate and loathing to the one you still secretly Love and admire is not conducive to happiness and joy. Forgive them, forgive yourself your shortcomings. Far out in the lonely woods listen to the gentle winds and hear your loves soft voice anew.  Sunrise, sunset, enjoy sweet memories past of her as they float uncalled across your mind.  In the patterns of the stars see her forgotten movements and in the motion of the planets detect her coy smile.  

Regrets? When you met her you fell in love based on the information at hand. Her light smile and gentle voice. Her genuine affection for you. Far into the future you could see not. Your heart lead you initially in your decision to ask for her hand and your head concurred. The right decision at the time.

Regret not then your choice. Rehash not other possibilities other roads not taken.  Bemoan not yourself for refusing mid course corrections clamping your hands and eyes on another choosing instead to go down with the ship.  

Post separation maintain pure and innocent tender memories concerning years past. Don't repaint pleasant past times with recriminations or suspicions originated by loneliness. 

With pure heart maintain love and affection for former friend though they call you not.