don't follow your thoughts, just observe them

don't follow your thoughts just observe them

fiction
edward w pritchard

When I was three or four years old my primary dictate from my Mother was " just be normal", over and over she told me that which was quite confusing really. Later I came to find out she had some mental issues from an unusual childhood and having a baby die after birth. To cope I became quite straight, not laughing much and over controlling and containing my emotions. My personality was lost in the darkness.

Still something inside myself, to compensate perhaps, was driving me to become more impulsive as I matured as a young adult. Sex, gambling which is the lust for Money and power, and a desire for Faustian intellectual awakening produced powerful urges within. It's all quite normal I hear.

In time, but still not always successfully, I regulated those compulsions. My duty lay elsewhere.

Don't follow your thoughts just observe them. Self discipline day to day will develop.

Now I take beta blockers hidden in my heart medicine. It's much easier now. It's hard sometimes to just be one of the troops, not specially awakened to new thoughts and ideas but it is oh so much easier day by day.

Saint Augustine and Rousseau both wrote their confessions and these are part of mine.

ed