fly by night

fly by night

fiction
edward w pritchard

To pay down my student loans I have taken two main strategies.

The first is to be voluntarily incarcerated here in the local County jail which under the new law enacted by new first woman President Hillary Clinton erases $100 dollars a day from my composite student loan debt. It adds up. In three years of voluntary incarceration I could have most of my $125,000 for my restaurant management degree paid off at this rate. That is if interest rates aren't raised again.

I am in a hurry to get out of jail though, let's just say I don't like living with other men. So I have taken Mrs. Clinton's second option under her new programs to pay off student loan debt by us unfortunates who are having trouble getting a job in their field and I am working  9pm to 6am as a debt collector here at the jail. I call delinquent borrowers on their student loan payments and dun them every few days to stand up to their obligations and promises and pay their student loan payment this week. Now a student loan can be paid weekly, daily or even hourly to save on interest on interest, on fees, and on penalties.

There is a certain symmetry to Mrs. Clinton's new ideas on how to help us unfortunates pay down our accrued student loan debt with innovative programs. Some of us didn't quite understand what we were getting into and I believe it took getting the first woman President elected to have the compassion to understand our problem. Most Americans think if something couldn't happen to them then it is a problem that doesn't really exist. Like normal Americans looking back on American history and not wanting to think about the Native Americans having their land taken by force and legalese or slavery for other unfortunates.

Student loans are a lot like slavery what with interest rates going up weekly anymore for reasons most of us debtors don't really understand. Maybe I should have studied finance in school instead of my two year restaurant management degree.

It 's hard being a student loan debt collector on an automatic dialer from 9pm to 6am. It's good there is a bathroom here in my cell so I can go anytime unlike collectors in the private sector who only can leave their desk once every three hours.

Am I unhappy with my lot in life at this time?

I'll be out of this nightmare of voluntary incarceration and working all night as a debt collector of others in student loan purgatory in about another 14 months, so I guess I am just resigned and coping.

 I am grateful to Mrs. Clinton for having the compassion to help people like me with new ideas and programs. I don't in anyway feel that being in deep student loan debt is like being a slave or anything like that. Still sometimes at night when I am looking over my student loan debt lists to see if I have to call myself to remind me to make this weeks payment I get a little down.

When I am down I remember that old song  "some sweet morning I'll fly away" and I lay down my headset for a minute and imagine flying beyond these prison walls to freedom.

But that kind of thinking won't get me out of my student loan debt. I am just happy to have the opportunity to try these new innovative programs to restart my life.