The Moon filled the sky in the morning

The Moon filled the sky in the morning

fiction
edward w pritchard

Looking back on my parenting habits before with my grown children the moon filled the sky in the morning as I accounted for my sins and omissions as a Father. I couldn't remember, had I taught this one to throw a football , that one to fix a car, or my daughter to fight in a clinch. The sun was long since up but it shared the sky with the three quarters moon as I worried over my children's fears and failings and my culpability in creating an environment they could thrive in.  Furtively I compared myself to others.

I entered the arena of raising Children handicapped by my self centered nature , untrained,  and mesmerized by desire to please another, now a stranger. Tenuous husbandry filled my waking hours then, and in retrospect time with my children is a blur. Why are they as they are? If I knew then what I know now would I have them at all; assuming I could curb my rapacious habitues towards my co-defendant. I judge my blameworthiness for how my offspring are; in spite of the deficiencies of my Parents I judge myself as a  Father.

Confused and tentative I approached my responsibilities towards caring for and protecting my children. I accepted the barbs and criticisms of the world  as I stumbled through duties as a Father. My genes and hardwired emotions I passed on to my children unawares. Love toward my  children grew over time in the barren rock of my heart and soul. Myself I placed last as I gave them all that I had, although I had little. With skill and endless affection I now care for their children,  my grandchildren.

The  Sun fills the bright morning sky and the three quarter full Moon disappears from view leaving streaks of gold in it's dissolving wake as I think of my children now far away from me spiritually and I compare their lives alone without me as I conclude the last quarter of my life. Life gives no quarter in the battle for survival and I fret and fear early in the morning over the ancient battle I botched in preparing my children to approach their future without me.