your grown children, if you are lucky enough to have children

your grown children, if you are lucky enough to have grown children
fiction
Edward w Pritchard

repost with edits
your kids aren't you

Once I went with a girlfriend to see her friend who she wanted to show me the new boyfriend off to. While the girls talked I spent some time with the friends Father in his small garage in a City neighborhood. After working each day all day on the day shift he would eat a little supper and then work on his hobby till bedtime there in the garage. His hobby was to build a light airplane in the garage that someday he would actually fly over our city in. After seeing the intricate workings of the in progress home built airplane and his drawings and plans we inspected the workings of each section of the actual plane at length. Engine, fuselage, wings, tail, being young I finally blurted out "but how will you get the plane out of the garage? The plane's wingspan  was bigger and wider than the collapsible garage door. The guy who was a sort of every man's philosopher said "well  if the plane ever actually gets done I might have to tear out a wall or two." To which I said, " well it would be worth the sacrifice if the plane actually can fly."

Worth the sacrifice if it can actually fly has become my secret motto when it comes to my grown children and how to view them now that they are all adults.

It takes you twenty or thirty years to learn your kids aren't you. They look a little like you and they remind you of your partner sometimes but sometimes your grown children confound and confuse you and you don't understand them so it's understandable that your kids aren't you. Your kids are unique individuals a special part of God's creation that you helped to create.

It's still hard for us parents to butt out of our children's lives. Don't say obtuse things but be there when you are needed and then vanish. It's fine to love your grandchildren, even if you don't get to see them much. Have your own life but pick up the phone quickly when one of your kids call and don't let their calls go to voice mail. Try to keep a scheduled time to see each of your children as often as they wish to be seen. It's OK if your grown children feel obligated to see you as long as you don't become a burden. When you see your grown children you can relax and be yourself.

Most important concerning your grown children is don't get co dependent when there's bad trouble in their lives and don't try to love them too much but keep in touch. It's dandy to ask them fishing if they like to fish. Mexican food is fine unless they don't like spicy meals then let them pick another restaurant. Don't talk too much at the restaurant about when they were little children. If you give advice most of the time tell them what they want to hear but be supportive and act out of your genuine love for you children. It's profound to be pleasantly surprised to see a secret part of their Mother you had forgotten about manifested in the persona of one of your grown children.

Your children aren't you but they are a part of you, part of you and their other parent who is someone once very special to you who you loved and who you chose special to create life with.. Each child is uniquely an intricate part of the vast mysterious universe. Like a small finely intricately honed part of the plane at the beginning of this story that someone was building in a garage. It is an act of faith that someday your children will fly off and soar without you or your daily guidance. Go about your daily tasks without the needless fretting of listening for the sound of far off whining or stalling airplane engines.

 Just be sure to listen for your cellphone for a call from your grown children and always pick up the call and not let it ever go to voicemail. Also try not to deluge them at holidays with used books on philosophy or historical trivia.
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