Memo Dealing with the Deserving Elderly

Memo
Dealing with the Deserving Elderly
Confidential

Satire

Fiction
Edward W Pritchard

Everyone knows that the elderly are a problem to our country's economy today. One has only go to the grocery store to have them slowly clogging along, taking up an entire aisle, consuming little, and buying less to agree.
But what's to be done with them.

They cling to an outdated value system and refuse to realize how things are. We the young do not hate them, but we must live now and they are not pulling their weight and by their own sacred ideals, that they preached in the past, declared, that if one is not working to consume one is worthless. We say to them now then Saving is not consumption, nor is scrimping, or making due, or turning off the electricity at 9:00 pm or setting the heat low on purpose, or driving an old car so as not to buy a new one. They have violated the dictum's they gave to the world.

So must they be judged.

Here is our proposal:

In ancient Rome, a roman soldier was nearly invincible. One trained equipped healthy roman soldier, was worth ten of any other adversary in battle. Working as a group, explicitly following orders, choosing their battles carefully they almost never lost and their labors produced wealth and riches that all could enjoy, and the world would forever admire.

But there was one enemy the Roman soldiers couldn't overcome and that was time. Being human they got old and thought no longer of their duty but of their wounds, injuries, and their own comfort and security. Often they would group together and demand their rights.

What was the Roman emperors to do. He must be cognizant of the fact that his power came from young soldiers, who were watching how the current old soldiers were treated, even if in their hearts the young never thought they would get old themselves.

Two plans were usually followed"

One was to gather groups of old soldiers and promise them wealth and riches when they defeated one more enemy. An especially violent and fierce group of Germanics was often used and the soldiers were sent off to battle without the usual preparation with the secret idea that there would be very large and unusual losses. The dead would be honored in all ways but especially in spirit as it was cheaper that way.

The second was to take the survivors of that last battle and let them have the land they conquered there in Germanium if they could hold it. They would be loaned money to farm, and buy equipment, at high rates of interest, and live in security and quiet the rest of their days.
Also because of their long service they would pay higher taxes than normal, which by the way they would always agree to in exchange for their security.

Therefore here is our plan for the elderly of our day
1. The elderly must be encouraged to live together in special apartments preferably in specific Southern States
2. They must maintain a certain amount of consumption daily
3. Any and all passive income the elderly have will be taxed at the highest rate.
4. They must not doddle around and through stores, unless spending a certain minimum.
5 They must never wear sunglasses, shorts or tell any stories about when they were in their glory days.
6, They may go to the gym and may sit around and drink coffee, may frequent the weight room, use the stationary bikes, and do group aerobics among their own kind. However, they may not talk, and never wink
7. They will no longer be entitled to any sort of government benefit, private pension or any sort of that kind of income. Of course the wealthy are worthy, and welcome but may not offer commentary on current events.
8 They must always be quiet on holidays.
9. For clarification, elderly will be defined as over 44, and near death as those over 53 [ like the actuarial tables ending at 99 previously], ie 53 is the new 99.