Suburban newspaper writing

Suburban newspaper writing

fiction
edward w pritchard

see also The Judge Her First Satori


Green Lawn's chronicles
April 17, 2010
By Eric Sheets
your favorite Mulligan Man

Crappie season opened today and your reporter was up at 4:00 AM to be the first out on the Portage Lakes. Unfortunately when I arrived at 5:30AM 200 boats were there first before me.

Sitting out on the Lake in the boat your reporter refused 7 different kinds of beer from our friends out here in Green. Just a little too early for me; maybe I'll wait to 6:15 AM. I heard my wife yell, from 5 miles away, and it scared me off my first crappie catch. She must have walked into that messy kitchen I left her.

Less you think that your eyes in Green wasn't working while fishing I ran into Mayor Joe [ Myers]. [My wife's cousin]. He had taken a rare day off the bench over at traffic court at 9AM and this reporter got his journalism instincts aroused and decided to head over to City Hall and check things out. Good thing I skipped those seven beers.

Judge Desmit the head divorce court judge in our County was on the bench in traffic court this morning and had agreed to handle the morning call day for Mayor Joe. This should be fun.

Looks like someone besides the crappie's had a reason to resent the opening day of crappie fishing this year. Attorney Paulie Owens from Manchester was representing a young man on his second speeding ticket, 45 in a 35 zone. Your reporter saw Mr. Owens cross himself Catholic style before he went before Judge Desmit the head Judge at divorce Court over in the important large city fifteen miles to our North. The lady Judge has a reputation of being cantankerous from the bench and she didn't disappoint. After a 10 minute lecture to the young man, who at age 17 shall remain nameless, but let's just say he has the best jump shot of anyone in our school system since my wife's other cousin Camp Simms back in the 60's. The basketball aficionado won't be hitting any three pointers this week end. The Judge didn't suspend his license, which she could of. But if you are up early Saturday and see that little weird pump truck that we use to power wash and clean the plastic trash cans look for a remorseful 17 year old to be operating it. As for his Attorney Paulie Owens, who by the way is one of the best out this way, he said he quit practicing domestic relations after a certain lady Judge took over 13 years ago over to the North.

This reporter however, was genuinely impressed with that Judge. She was authentic and concerned with everyone and while I can see why the Attorney's would be a little intimidated by her she handled the morning call day expeditiously.

A Lady from down Canton had been charged with driving the wrong way on the 77 expressway. Upon questioning by the Judge she said she had done it because her life was going badly, she had lost her job, her first husband had gotten custody of her kids and things were out of control. The Judge left the Bench and talked with her Attorney for ten minutes in a long side bar and then rescheduled the sentencing for two months out. This reporter didn't hear what was said but it looked like someone was concerned about the woman and not just her driving habits.

Nice job Judge Desmit. Make sure mayor Joe gives you some of those record Crappie he is catching while you and I work today. Come back to our court anytime.

the Mulligan Man
END