confronting the nuissance of elderly American citizens this Holiday season

confronting the nuisance of elderly American citizens this Holiday season

fiction
edward w Pritchard

repost/ satire/ edit

Memo
Dealing with the Deserving Elderly
Confidential- 2013
for Youth magazine- holidays issue 2013



Everyone knows that the elderly are a problem to our Country's economy today. One has only go to the grocery store to observe the elderly slowly clogging along, taking up an entire aisle, consuming little, and buying less to agree. Worse is when elderly persons power walk at the Malls, often before official opening time.

But what's to be done with them, with the nuisance of elderly American citizens today?

The elderly cling to an outdated value system that they no longer follow and refuse to realize how things are here and now. We the young do not hate them, but we must live now and the elderly are not pulling their weight and not adhering to their own sacred ideals that they preached in the past, when they declared that if one is not working to consume one is worthless. We say to the elderly here and now that Saving money is not consumption, nor is scrimping, or making due, or turning off the electricity at 9:00 pm or setting the heat low on purpose, or driving an old car so as not to buy a new one. The elderly  have violated the sacred material dictum's they gave to the world. 

So the elderly must be judged.

Here is our proposal:

To monitor and control the behavior of elderly Americans the following special rules will apply to all Americans over age 44 this Holiday seasons.

effective Nov 1, 2013:

1. The elderly will be encouraged to live together in special apartments preferably in specific Southern States.
2. They elderly must maintain a certain amount of consumption daily, the amount to be announced on Oct 29th, 2013, so as to prevent hoarding.
3. Any and all passive income the elderly have will be taxed at the highest rate.
4. The elderly must not doddle around and through stores, unless spending a certain minimum.
5 The elderly must never wear sunglasses, shorts, or tell any stories about when they were in their glory days.
6, The elderly may go to the gym and may sit around and drink coffee, may frequent the weight room, use the stationary bikes, and do group aerobics among their own kind. However, the elderly  may not talk, and never may wink
7. The elderly may not discuss social security,  medicare part a or b, or hospital testing in public. Wealthy elderly citizens are exempted from this order [ # 7] only but no elderly person may offer commentary on current events.
8 The elderly must always be quiet on holidays at all parties, and social gatherings.
9. For clarification, elderly will be defined as over 44, and near death as those over 53 [ like the actuarial tables ending at 99 previously], ie 53 is the new 99.
10. Elderly persons may not drive about in sporty cars and each car containing elderly citizens on the roads during prime hours, ie.  8AM to 6Pm must contain three or more elderly citizens.
11. No elderly citizens may sell peanuts or Spanish olives during the Christmas holidays.  
end