goldstake cherries

Goldstake Cherries

fiction
edward w Pritchard

Goldstake Cherries was a gigantic man. 11feet 9 inches, tall, 748 pounds in his stocking and boots and he usually wore two pair of socks.

Still Goldstake was a little nervous as two full grown grizzly bears stood across from him staring him down.

His old Ma-wrn had told him, and it said in the good book, don't fight with two grizzlies at once if you can charm um.

So Goldstake quickly grabbed up a skillet and whipped up some of his grand-dad's secret pancakes, fried up about 108 of um and him and them thar bears came to an understandin over an umpromtu breakfast of pan cakes an rye whiskey.

Hours later Goldstake Cherries rode the paint colored, rainbow striped, half badger/half horse thru the expanse of rock less desert, in a windstorm looking for Bartholomule the gent who had pawed his girl Iris, no one slapped his girl on the behind and lived. So Goldstake drove over the badlands for 74 days, up and down the foothills, with only morning mountain dew for water, until on the 74th day, despite being in a hot waterless desert, it began to snow, and there ahead was Bart, the Armadillo he rode was plum tucker out, and Bart was walking along, and in doing so he had his back to Goldstake. Goldstake approached from the North, so the rays of the sun, that golden orb, would be in Bart's eyes when he struck, because in this dessert the Sun rose and set North to south.

Packing a snowball from the desert floor, Goldstake wound up and hit Bart on the left outside of his left thigh with the missile. The crack of the impact was heard fifteen miles away in an Indian village, so that tribe wasn't surprised to see a gigantic white man walk into camp carrying a badger, a tuckered out armadillo, an injured man, and two large 100 pound sacks of flour, and a side of beef. He left the Indians the flour and beef to get through the snow storm in the heat of the waterless desert, and incidentally harvested a heap of good will for the future from those Injins, and then headed South for the nearest town to drop Bart off to stand trial for sexual harassment, because he had decided not to kill the injured man.

Later, Goldstake spent a spell reading the good book, thanking the lord that all had worked as planned and then returned to his 975,000 acres farm to get in the jelly bean crop before winter struck in earnest down here in the desert badlands.